A Mother’s Mourning
I woke up with a start as my daughter Lisa
shuffled around the bed. Her long, wavy honey hair curled around her small
frame and her beautiful beige arms embraced me as she found a comfortable
position. She shook slightly as the cold beds let no room for warmth. I hugged
her back to give her body heat. I looked up at the ceiling, a plain thatched
roof it was. Our home may not be as grand as Lord Wenry Hotton's castles or as
clean as the church in our manor, but it was certainly cozy as we grew up with
it and the memories pertain to us only. I murmured silent prayers grateful
towards God for all of His glory and graciousness. With a kind smile I fell
back asleep embracing my daughter.
The small window to the right of our beds allowed the
morning sun to peek through. I had awoken first and had been setting up
breakfast in the common room. The meal had been made up of corn, lettuce and
some bread. While I gently placed the bowls and utensils we shared, my mind
wandered off to my husband. He had been a wonderful man-- perhaps his
appearance was common with a set of brown eyes and hair, but there had been
little to complain about when he had been with us. He never beat me and
refrained from speaking crudely, unlike the bruises and vulgarity shown by the
other peasants living in Lord Wenry's town. If he were not a peasant you would
have thought he was a vassal! My parents had set up our marriage and through
the years of living together we learned to love each other. We had Louis, our
oldest with a fiery temper and cocky eye; Giovanni, our middle son who
unfortunately passed away little after he was born; and finally, our precious
gem that is now around six years old, Lisa. I always called my husband sweet
names out of respect; although I did not ever ask him about it, he never
questioned me either. We lived comfortably that way.
My
train of thought was interrupted by an angelic and childish voice with two
small arms around my thigh and the harsh arrogance of a "What am I
eating?", contrasting my children sharply. Sighing, I picked Lisa up and
carried her whole responding to Louis's question politely, "Son, we are
eating the usual." He grinned as he sat down on the wooden chair and
waited, for some reason excited. I exclaimed, "What a miracle it is to see
you so glad! What's wrong?" Lisa giggled at this and I sat her down. With
his mouth full of lettuce, he smirked. "Mother, it's time-- I'm escaping
this place. I'll find a better home for all of us." I gasped and sternly
frowned. "Louis, where will you even go? You can die out there. I know I
can't stop you but-- but, we're living so happily this way. Lisa scares the
crows away from the gardens, I weave your clothing and cultivate crops, and you
help out in labor all the time! I know it's been hard with your father not
around anymore, but I've done my best to create a happy environment for you two
to live in."
He
scoffed at this, "Mother, is this really happiness? To work for someone as
unruly as Lord Wenry Hotton, a man who has never had to work a single day in
his life? Look, we are near the port of Marseilles. I know a friend here who
was able to get in contact with one of Lord Wenry's acquaintances during his
stay here. In reality, everybody dislikes him! My friend was told to not tell
anyone of this, but the man was only here in order to scout people to join his
guild. As long as we can leave without being caught, life will be easy and we
could maybe even scale up in status by becoming merchants!" I shook my
head in disapproval. "Louis, you know that it would be difficult for us to
go. It's safer to be here than going with some random man that you haven't even
met--" He interrupted me yet again. "Mother, I will go first. When I
establish good wealth I will come back for you." My cheeks flushed in fury
and I swung my hands down, slamming the table and scaring Lisa who was shaking
in terror throughout all of this. I composed myself after seeing Lisa, thinking
on what God would think if I let myself be overcome by anger and sighed.
"What if it doesn't work?" Louis let out a pitiful smile. "I'll
come back and let myself be beaten." This reminded me of what could
possibly happen if someone noticed that he was gone and told Lord Wenry about
it-- we would be punished, too! As if he knew my thoughts of realization, Louis
reassured me, "Lord Wenry won't notice. He's going out on a trip to meet
up with the king while his wife stays behind. According to some of the
servants, he'll be gone for months because apparently he's in debt and will pay
it back through military service." I let out a breath that I didn't know
I'd been holding back. Pausing for a good while and thinking of what could
happen, I finally answered-- "Alright. I guess it'll be easier to just maintain
two people. Not having to clean an extra person's rough wool and linen
underwear and clothes will help relieve a load…" He smiled stood up to hug
me. I wept as I looked up and pet his hair. He looked just like his father--
that flame in his heart only made him all the more admirable. "He would be
so proud of you." At last we stopped the embrace and I gently caressed his
face. "Louis…Please, stay safe." That was my last plead as he grinned
and Lisa jumped at us both, crying out a tiny "I'll miss you, big brother!
Take care!" That very day we packed a small bag of his clothes, including
long stockings and two gray and brown tunics, an amount of crops from our
garden so nobody would be suspicious if we had taken them from the fields, and
at last Lisa handed him a handful of daisies. He knelt down on one knee and
kissed her on the forehead as a thank you. He had waited until unholy hours and
we silently whispered and waved our goodbyes when he left. We knew that he
would do wonders.
A month had passed and there was never a day
that I had not prayed for the safety and health of my child. Lisa and I started
living a secluded lifestyle yet went to church often enough to not cause any
gossip. Thankfully, nobody seemed to regard Louis's absence-- perhaps it was
due to how prideful he was towards those who didn't know him very well, but
whether it was due to people's distaste towards him or not didn't matter. While
picking crops from the fields one day, I heard men boisterously talk to one
another. I didn't mean to eavesdrop but then I heard one of them mention
Marseilles. I made sure Lisa was not paying attention to me or them and saw her
being distracted by a white butterfly. Not wanting to cause a scene, I simply
listened closely to them and gasped when I heard the terrible news that
occured.
"Did
you hear what that old geezer said Michael?" "Are you talking about
that disgusting spread of death in Marseilles? Of course I heard of it, you
idiot. It's been the daily talk these past three days!" "Do you know
the symptoms of it?" There was a pause, showing that Michael had no idea.
"Well, I'll tell you about them then...The folks there have been getting
these nasty swollen balls all over their bodies. As big as a chicken egg, they
say! Their skin turns ghastly pale and there are blotches of black all over
them. Many would call them dead if it were not for their groans of pain and
vomiting. Coughin' and bleedin' with a fever as high as Hell's entrance. Within
days those who get sick die without the mercy of a peaceful doom. They call it
the Black Death." "What?! Why?!" "Well young Michael...Some
say it's the fault of those bloody cursed Jews. I remember overhearing from one
of Lord Wenry's conversations with a man from Switzerland that the Jews had
poisoned wells there. Who says it can't happen here? Even with that though, I
say it's God's wrath. All we can do is beg, pray, and kneel at His feet."
"Jonathan, what will we do if it comes to us?" "We're likely as
good as dead. I'd kill myself if I got it. I couldn't bare the Black Death
spreadin' to my family. I have three daughters and four sons, you know? They
all have bright futures ahead of them. I wouldn't let anything happen to
them." "I see…Thank you for informing me about all of this,
John." He chuckled bitterly, "Never a problem to teach the young ones
before it's too late."
My
eyes widened in shock and I dropped the basket of crops unto the fertile soil.
Tears threatened to drop as I choked on a clump of saliva. The men realized
this and one yelled at the other for talking about such horrid matters in front
of a woman. The other man, Jonathan, asked if I was alright and I nodded as I
struggled to breathe. "Woman, breathe! Sweet Lord, don't make my information
be the cause of a mother's heart attack!" After a few moments of
desperation, I managed to compose myself and Lisa came up to me with a
"Mommy?" I responded to her with a forced smile, "Mommy's
alright honey. Mommy's alright…" That night I did not rest. I had turned
off every candle and Lisa fell asleep with ease. She cuddled and stayed close
to me, but that brought me no comfort. Even after I prayed for Louis I could
not shake away the fear of losing him too. Weary thoughts plagued my mind.
'God, I have lost one of my children and even my husband already. There is no
way you could take away Louis as well. He is too young to go to Heaven. Please,
my Lord, cover him with your holy light and secure him with your blessings.'
Alas, I fell into a slumber.
I
met my husband again. He had encouraged me to live on and do my best no matter
what happened. I wanted to speak yet I could not. He spoke the word of God to
me and wore a cross upon his chest proudly. He gave me sweet kisses-- on my
forehead, then on my chin, then on my left cheek and on my right, and at last
on a tender and faint one on the mouth. However, this turned sour as I felt the
metallic taste of blood in my mouth and I opened my eyes to see him sickly and
ill. I wept and could not do anything as he was taken away into a void. Such a
terrible smell-- not even the smell of excrement, manure and sweat could
compare. The scent was suffocating. I couldn't breathe. I can't breathe. It's
horrible. Wake up, Marie. Wake up. I heard groans escape me—
"Mommy! Mommy, wake up!" Lisa
wept and she woke me up. I was shaking and so was she. However, she had a grin
upon her, which I could faintly see thanks to the gleam of moonlight peeking
through the window. After regaining from a dizzy consciousness, I mumbled,
"Lisa? What are you doing up so late? Go back to sleep." The scent
still lingered. Yet she persisted in waking me up. "Mommy, Louis is
back!" At this I opened my eyes rapidly and jumped up from the bed--
"What did you say?!" "Mommy, Louis is back! He's back! He
probably hasn't taken a shower in a long time so he smells really bad, but he's
back! He woke me up from the window and said he wanted to see you and that he's
waiting outside. Come on mommy, let's go!" Happiness overcame me as my
memory of the nightmare faded away with this knowledge. I grabbed Lisa's hand
and we ran towards the door and opened it excitedly. I whispered-shouted,
"Louis?! Louis, where are you?" Lisa then tugged at my sleeve and
pointed to the right, where a faint silhouette could be made out from the
darkness of the night. He was leaning on the dirty stone walls of the house and
was dimly illuminated by the beautiful moonlight. Then his face turned to us
and I could only see misery, grief, and despair upon it. The vivid descriptions
had come to life. I ran to him as he groaned in pain and weakly whispered,
"Mother…Lisa…" He coughed loudly, blood spilling to the floor and
bits of it reaching me. His vulnerability made me take a step back and I then
yelled at Lisa to do so as well. I dropped to the floor, not knowing what was a
safe distance to be from him. "I'm...sorry…" A tear grazed dropped as
I knew of what had happened. I did not force him to speak as his final moments
approached. Despite knowing he was dying, he attempted a smile and grabbed
rotten daisies from his pocket. He did his best in speaking yet took his time.
I reassured him as sobs left me, "Louis...it's alright...It's going to be
alright…I love you, Louis...We missed you…" Afraid of what was happening,
Lisa also began crying. "Louis...Louis, I love you a lot too. Mommy and I
missed you so much…" My son closed his eyes. Through his last breaths he
whispered, "I love you, mom, Lisa...I love…" Louis coughed violently
and could not take it anymore. He passed on to the other side.
